{"id":37217,"title":"Me, After Abuse | Kentmere 400, Ricoh FF-9","author":"Fast_Preparation7795","permalink":"https://www.reddit.com/r/analog/comments/1r8sci3/me_after_abuse_kentmere_400_ricoh_ff9/","description":"I had recently gotten myself away from a decade of abuse, which only ended 6 months ago at this point today, I had had my life, meaning & sense of direction dictated for me since a young teenager, my life was not my own & I was aware at how lucky I was to still be here,\n\nBeing a victim of sexual abuse is something that makes every fibre in your being ring out in discomfort, the feeling of wanting to rip out of your fleshly shell & dissipate into nothingness as a release grows evermore stronger each day, but when weak, you become stuck.\n\nThe worst & most heartbreaking part of my story is that my abuse was one of a shrouded nature, it was an online & traumatic experience that I had suffered within in total isolation, unbeknownst to family or the very limited select group of online friends I had, who never even knew my real name.\n\nI've since been on the path to reclaiming my life, a new interest in analog & film along with meeting someone I hold a very deep connection & wavelength to are the only reasons I wish to really continue going forward, I'm a broken, undiagnosed & severely damaged & unstable person, but I know of my goodness & what I wish to contribute.\n\nThe shot was intentional, it was me mere days after everything had ended so abruptly, I was thrust suddenly into a life of being free, away from my abusers & I was dumped into life & had no idea what to do, you're seeing me in shock, you're seeing me confused, miserable.\n\nIt's simple, taken on a point & shoot, but it captures me sitting on the floor in the middle of the room I had just spent years suffering in, losing sleep, sanity & a will to continue, life is beautiful once given the chance to go your own direction.\n\nI'm new to film, I'm dumb with it, learning, curious, I just want to have fun & capture memory with those I love, if you read through this know tears flow from my face & my hands still shake at the damage in which was inflicted upon me, I thank you for reading my little story.\n\nI wish all those who read this the highest pinnacle of health, happiness, to you, your family, friends, pets, lovers, whoever you love, I wish the best for & I wish your passion for analog to grow & continue forever, until our journey's on this little moat of dust become energy that rings out into the boundless universes for eternity.","score":558,"nsfw":false,"grayscale":true,"timestamp":1771484280,"sprocket":false,"camera_make":"ricoh","film_make":"kentmere","film_type":"400","film_speed":400,"images":[{"resolution":"low","url":"https://d3i73ktnzbi69i.cloudfront.net/c46c7e17-b1e0-489b-9562-8836c812f7d0.jpeg","width":720,"height":477},{"resolution":"medium","url":"https://d3i73ktnzbi69i.cloudfront.net/f4361612-a7f7-4dfb-8ef8-6fb0b86feca0.jpeg","width":1080,"height":716},{"resolution":"high","url":"https://d3i73ktnzbi69i.cloudfront.net/b485b167-5960-435d-8286-57ca28560305.jpeg","width":1440,"height":955},{"resolution":"raw","url":"https://d3i73ktnzbi69i.cloudfront.net/a53419bf-9e2b-4222-95ad-cae36600a00d.jpeg","width":6774,"height":4492}],"colors":[{"hex":"#0c0c0c","css":"black","html":"black","percent":0.77474086},{"hex":"#383838","css":"darkslategray","html":"gray","percent":0.13204927},{"hex":"#f1f1f1","css":"whitesmoke","html":"white","percent":0.04089215},{"hex":"#676767","css":"dimgray","html":"gray","percent":0.03913638},{"hex":"#a4a4a4","css":"darkgrey","html":"gray","percent":0.01318134}],"keywords":[{"word":"ricoh","weight":0.5},{"word":"abuse","weight":0.5}]}